Ok, so this has no pics with it. Why? Cause no one witnessed it. Which is why I must tell the story.
First, this isn’t about me rescuing a turtle, which does happen in the story. This isn’t about me and an epic friend (the unicorn-sign runner) biking 12 miles to a movie theater across town, which also happens. I feel pretty bad ass about both of those things, but that doesn’t make for a story worth telling. People do that stuff all the time. I finally just got off the couch, out from in front of the computer (ironic blog post, I know), and finally found myself in that situation.
Here’s what makes the story worth telling:
My friend and I are almost to the theatre, biking in traffic on Anderson Lane and we see a big turtle crossing the road. I’m bad at communicating during a crisis, so I used a series of “Turtle! Turtle” shouts, flailing legs, and almost-wrecking-my-bike to attempt to tell her that I was stopping to get the turtle from the road. That sucker was hauling ass.
I don’t know how, but some SUV figured out what I was doing (must’ve been the flailing) and stopped traffic in both lanes for me to grab the dude. He was already across my lane, heading for the next lane and the median. After that, he still had two lanes to cross. Maybe he was smart enough to do it. He was a pretty big guy.
I know this, because I got right up to him only to wonder how I would grab him without getting something carrot-sized and used for spamming WoW buttons bitten off. That’s a finger, y’all. But somewhere back in my memory was a time when I saw someone whip off his shirt to throw onto a turtle of dubious bitey-ness. So that’s what I did.
I whipped off my shirt on Anderson Lane. At 6pm. With traffic waiting for me.
Now, since I was on a bike ride, this shouldn’t have been a big deal: sports bra, right? In fact, I didn’t hesitate to do it. I even forgot to take off my helmet, it went so fast.
It wasn’t until I put the turtle down and put my shirt back on that I remembered I hadn’t changed into a sports bra for that ride.
Yep, that was me, just chilling in my actual bra and tub-of-goo torso on Anderson Lane, folks.
This is my life. I could not be cool if you paid me, even if events like biking across town and turtle-rescue coincide, presenting themselves like a flower of cool. A dollop of suave. I smashed that flower and smeared that dollop with my geeky hamfists.
Oh well. I’m pretty sure that turtle got a laugh. That SUV driver might be pretty scarred, though. Sorry about that, SUV driver person. You did a solid for stopping all that turtle-smashing traffic.